woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
