Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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