I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
