I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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