dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
