final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
