the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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