thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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