Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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