don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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