Screwed.edu
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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