im six kinds of drunk right now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
