Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
