Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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