She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
