Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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