Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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