So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
