I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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