He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
