i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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