we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
