i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
