you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
