You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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