I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
