i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
