idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
