I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
