And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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