There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
