Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
