upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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