if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
