He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
