I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
