But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm way too hungover for life right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
