she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
