I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
