ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
