woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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