Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize