Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
