Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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