yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just cropdusted the office
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
