I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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