Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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