a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
