Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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