Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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