Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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