Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
