do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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