And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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