this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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