I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
