dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
