You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
