I cockslap morals
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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