Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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