I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
