he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
