you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
