gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
