sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
