Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
