No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
