Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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