New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
