her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
