So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
