Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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