i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
