Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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