I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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